Today is National Oyster Day. Even though “If ya’ don’t got nothin’ nice to say, don’t say nothin’ at all” has been drilled into my head, I have something to say about oysters, and it ain’t nothin’ nice! They are stinky, they are slimy, they are rubbery, they are gross, and they are UH-GLEE! To simplify it, they are just plain EWWW!!! Out of the gazillions of recipes I have, not one of them has oysters listed in the ingredients! I made them once, in college, and that was because I had no choice! I gagged the whole time I was preparing them and I refused to eat them.

Two days after my 50th birthday, I had dinner with a “friend” (we’ll call him “J”) at a nice restaurant that had some “frou-frou” items on the menu. “J” was perusing the menu and asked if I would like an appetizer (I didn’t). He said, “I believe I am going to have…” Yup. You guessed it. Oysters. Rockefeller, to be exact.

I felt my gag reflex kick in and I guess in trying to hide it (it was our first date after all!) my face got all screwy and discontorted cuz he looked at me, laughed, and said, “I take it you aren’t fond of oysters.” BUSTED!!! After I fessed up, he asked me if it would bother me if he ordered them. How sweet was that?!?

So “J” ordered Oysters Rockefeller. The stinky, gross, ugly things arrived at the table and they weren’t all THAT ugly. In fact, they looked kinda’ nice (but they were still stinky)! The server asked if we would like two plates. I shook my head no and vehemently said, “No thank you. I, guarantee you I will NOT be eating those!” (Both she and “J” got a chuckle out of that.)

So “J” dug in and very politely asked me, “Are you SURE you don’t want to try these?” (Believe me, I was VERY sure!)

It happened at around the same time “J” was consuming Oyster Numero Tres. Some unknown force stuck a fork in my right hand, moved said right hand toward “them”, stuck the fork into one of them, and then STUFFED “IT” INTO MY MOUTH!!! HORRORS!

But guess what? I didn’t shudder. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t even gag! And I lived to tell you about it!

P.S. I even kinda liked it (but shhh! Don’t tell anybody!).