YOU WANT ME TO EAT WHAT?!?

Today is National Oyster Day. Even though “If ya’ don’t got nothin’ nice to say, don’t say nothin’ at all” has been drilled into my head, I have something to say about oysters, and it ain’t nothin’ nice! They are stinky, they are slimy, they are rubbery, they are gross, and they are UH-GLEE! To simplify it, they are just plain EWWW!!! Out of the gazillions of recipes I have, not one of them has oysters listed in the ingredients! I made them once, in college, and that was because I had no choice! I gagged the whole time I was preparing them and I refused to eat them.

Two days after my 50th birthday, I had dinner with a “friend” (we’ll call him “J”) at a nice restaurant that had some “frou-frou” items on the menu. “J” was perusing the menu and asked if I would like an appetizer (I didn’t). He said, “I believe I am going to have…” Yup. You guessed it. Oysters. Rockefeller, to be exact.

I felt my gag reflex kick in and I guess in trying to hide it (it was our first date after all!) my face got all screwy and discontorted cuz he looked at me, laughed, and said, “I take it you aren’t fond of oysters.” BUSTED!!! After I fessed up, he asked me if it would bother me if he ordered them. How sweet was that?!?

So “J” ordered Oysters Rockefeller. The stinky, gross, ugly things arrived at the table and they weren’t all THAT ugly. In fact, they looked kinda’ nice (but they were still stinky)! The server asked if we would like two plates. I shook my head no and vehemently said, “No thank you. I, guarantee you I will NOT be eating those!” (Both she and “J” got a chuckle out of that.)

So “J” dug in and very politely asked me, “Are you SURE you don’t want to try these?” (Believe me, I was VERY sure!)

It happened at around the same time “J” was consuming Oyster Numero Tres. Some unknown force stuck a fork in my right hand, moved said right hand toward “them”, stuck the fork into one of them, and then STUFFED “IT” INTO MY MOUTH!!! HORRORS!

But guess what? I didn’t shudder. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t even gag! And I lived to tell you about it!

P.S. I even kinda liked it (but shhh! Don’t tell anybody!).

HOT ITALIAN SANDWICHES

SAUCE:

1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce
1/4 tsp basil leaves
1/8-1/4 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder

SANDWICH:

1 lb ground italian sausage
1 med onion, thinly sliced
8 slices french bread, cut diagonally 3/4″ thick
6 oz mozzarella cheese, sliced
2 tbs margarine OR butter, softened

in a small saucepan, combine sauce ingredients. bring to a boil. reduce heat; simmer 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. shape sausage into 4 large, thin oval patties. in a large skillet, fry over medium heat about 10 minutes, or until done, turning frequently. in same skillet, cook onion until tender. set aside. remove all grease & drippings from skillet.

to assemble sandwiches, top each of 4 slices of bread with 1/4 of the cheese slices, 1 sausage patty & 1/4 of the onion. cover with remaining slices of bread. spread margarine on outside of each sandwich.

place sandwiches in skillet over medium heat. grill sandwiches on both sides until bread begins to brown & sandwich is hot. serve each sandwich with about 1/4 cup sauce for dipping.

makes 4 sandwiches

COCKTAIL MEATBALLS

1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/3 cup finely chopped onion
1/4 cup milk
1 tbs chopped fresh parsley
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp worcestershire sauce
dash pepper
1 egg
1 (12 oz) bottle chili sauce
1 (10 oz) jar grape jelly

heat oven to 400°. mix together all ingredients except chili sauce and jelly. shape into 1″ meatballs. place in a 13″x9″x2″ baking dish.

bake, uncovered, about 20 minutes, or until no longer pink in middle.

heat chili sauce & jelly in a dutch oven over medium heat, stirring constantly, until jelly is melted. stir in meatballs until coated. simmer, uncovered, 30 minutes. serve hot with toothpicks, or over rice. 

makes approx 36 meatballs

CHICKEN ROSEMARY

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
2-3 tbs dijon mustard
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 tbs minced fresh rosemary OR 2 tsp dried rosemary, crushed
black pepper, to taste
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

place chicken in a greased 11″x7″x2″ baking dish. combine mustard & garlic powder; spread over the chicken. sprinkle with rosemary & pepper. top with cheese. bake, uncovered, at 350° for 45 minutes or until juices run clear.

4 servings

CRANTINIS

1 cup cranberry juice cocktail
1/2 cup citrus vodka OR plain vodka
1/4 cup triple sec OR orange juice
1 tsp fresh lime juice
fresh cranberries, if desired
lime slices, if desired

fill martini shaker or 3-cup covered container half full with ice. add all ingredients except cranberries a lime slices; cover & shake.

pour into martini or tall stemmed glasses, straining the ice. garnish glasses with fresh cranberries and lime slices on toothpicks.

4 servings

CREAMY POTATO SOUP

7 med potatoes, peeled & cubed
2 ribs celery, diced
1 med onion, chopped
1 qt water
4 tsp chicken bouillion granules
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 qt milk
sour cream & shredded cheddar cheese, optional

in a dutch oven or soup kettle, combine potatoes, celery, onion, water & bouillion; bring to a boil. reduce heat; cover & simmer 20-25 minutes or until potatoes are tender. cool slightly. place half of the potato mixture in a blender; cover and puree. repeat with remaining potato mixture; set aside.

in the same pot, melt butter. stir in flour, salt & pepper until smooth. gradually add milk. bring to a boil. boil & stir for 2 minutes. return potato puree to pot and heat through. garnish individual servings with sour cream & cheese, if desired.

PEAR CRUMB PIE

CRUST:

1 1/3 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup shortening
2-3 tbs cold water

FILLING:

1/2 cup packed brown sugar
2 tbs cornstarch
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ginger
1/8 tsp salt
dash nutmeg
6 cups thinly sliced peeled pears
1 tbs freshly squeezed lemon juice

TOPPING:

2/3 cup flour
1/3 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup cold butter OR margarine

in a bowl, combine flour & salt; cut in shortening until crumbly. sprinkle with water; toss until mixture is moistened enough to shape into a ball. on a floured surface, roll out pastry to fit a 9″ pie pan. flute edges.

combine filling ingredients; spoon into crust. bake at 400° for 25 minutes.

for topping, combine flour & brown sugar; cut in butter until crumbly. sprinkle over filling. bake 40 minutes longer. cover edges with foil during the last 15 minutes of baking to preveng overbrowning, if necessary.

6-8 servings