Dear New Mother:
When your help has gone home
And you’re left on your own
With a new baby
To diaper and feed.

There’s bound to be times
When things don’t go fine
And cooking a meal
Is a chore you don’t need.

When you’re feeling unable
To get a meal on the table
Here’s a meatloaf
To help you a bit.

When it’s near time to eat
Just thaw it and heat
Then round up something
To serve with it.

Make up your favorite meatloaf. Wrap it in foil and freeze. As a gift to a friend, type up the above “ingredients” message and present it with your favorite meat loaf.

Take two or more children, wash well in warm water and tuck into bed early. Leave for 10-12 hours with windows open. Next morning, dress them lightly and set at the cheeriest place at the breakfast table. To each child add juice of 1 orange, 1 soft-boiled egg mixed with 2 tablespoons cream and salt to taste, several slices whole wheat toast, and a glass of milk.

Remove to the yard, add some garden seeds, toys, a sand pile and mix thoroughly. Leave in the sun until brown.

1 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 lg eggs
nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

sample the tequila to check quality. take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. repeat. turn on the electric mixer. beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. add 1 tsp of sugar. beat again. at this point, you should make sure the tequila is still OK. try another cup just in case. turn off the mixerer thingy. break two eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. pick the fruit up off the floor. mix on the turner. if the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. check the tequila. now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. add one table. add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. whatever you can find. greash the oven. turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. don’t forget to beat off the turner. finally, throw the bowl through the window. finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Mristmas!

1 elephant
brown gravy
salt & pepper
2 rabbits (optional)

cut the elephant into bite-size pieces. cover with the gravy. cook over low heat for about 4 weeks. this will serve 4200 people. if more are expected, the 2 rabbit may added, but do this only if necessary, as most people do not like to find hare in their stew.

4 cups love
2 cups loyalty
4 qts faith
2 tbs tenderness
2 tbs kindness
2 tbs understanding
3 cups forgiveness
1 cup friendship
5 tbs hope
1 barrel laughter

take love & loyalty & mix them thoroughly with faith. blend the mixture with tenderness, kindness, understanding, & forgiveness. add friendship & hope. sprinkle abundantly with laughter. bake with sunshine & serve generous helpings daily.

1 cup of good thoughts
1 cup of kind deeds
1 cup of consideration of others
2 cups of sacrfice for others
3 cups of forgiveness
3 cups of well beaten faults

mix all ingredient thoroughly. add tears of joy, sorrow & sympathy for others. flavor with a little bit of love. fold in 4 cups of prayer and faith. pour into daily life & bake well with the heat of human kindness. serve with a smile.

1 tongue, that does not slander
1 heart, generous & kind
2 ears, closed to gossip
1 mind, full of tolerance
1 dash of wit
1 sweet smile
2 eyes, overlooking other’s faults
2 hands, extended to help others
1 dash of sunny disposition
1 dash of cheerfulness

blend together & form into one being; serve generous portions to everyone you meet.